Simple Parental Advices That You Can Count On For Years

Children still need parental advice all the time, even if they are all grown up and independent. Every day, parents come across different issues that relate with how to deal with their children. Growing children need all the possible parental advisory they can get from their parent(s). So, ask yourself, ‘How best can I be a good parent?’ Well, to answer you, here are four simple parental advices that will guide and help you as a parent:

1. Parental Advice: Take a Break

Taking some time away from your children; does not make you are a bad parent. Work out with another member of the family or your spouse to take care of the children while you take the needed break. Let other members of the family have time to bond with the children too. Create some free time for yourself and regain your energy with a fresh mind. With this, you will approach things differently to the kids when you return. I believe when parent(s) take time to be away, this also gives the children a chance to learn how to grow up being independent.

2. Parental Advice: Keep Your Home Beautiful

A well decorated and beautiful home brings love and peace to the children and parents. The ambience makes the children feel welcomed, gives a perfect feel, makes them feel cared for and enhances a healthy environment too. When the home is beautiful, the children grow up healthy in mind and body too.

3. Parental Advice: Make Frequent Travels

Children enjoy being outdoors without their parents. Traveling with your kids is the best thing that can happen to a family whose parents have a busy schedule most of the time. A different environment refreshes the mind, soul and body for both the children and parent(s). Children learn more, the experience is always different from the usual one, they get to interact and socialise with other children. Your family gets a great opportunity to bond and get to know each other well away from the busy regular home setting.

4. Parental Advice: Do Not Be The Final Decision Maker

Learn to accommodate your children during decision-making touching on the family. Do not force decisions down their throats, especially if it concerns them in one way or another. Get their opinion on the matter and let them feel to be part of what comes out of the outcome. As a parent, you can get your way around it without hurting their feelings. However, that will depend on their age and ability to contribute towards the matter. Once there is a mutual understanding everyone is happy at the end of the day.

Every day is a different day to learn something new and with these few simple parental advices, being a caring parent should not be that hard for you. Parenting is not easy but, as they say, ‘practice makes perfect’. So, learn and put into practice what you learn – an excellent mother or father never stops learning nor do the children stop learning too!

Raising a Teenager Who is Not Your Own

While all parents will find themselves within the teenage years at some point as their kids grow up, it is a whole different experience when you take in a teenager who has not been your child from birth. In a time when many parents are working too much or participating in illegal activity, it is the children that tend to fall through the cracks, and without someone there to guide them, can make the wrong turns in life. The teenage years are a time when it is important to have boundaries and positive support in order to thrive, and should it not be found at home, many teens will look for it elsewhere. My children have always known that our home is welcome to anyone, and over the years, our family has grown because of it.

I have personally taken in 2 teenagers over the years, in addition to my own 4 children, and it is a completely different experience. I would love to say that both were successful, but that is not the case.

The first teenager to join our family was a friend of my oldest sons who had come from a very troubled background. His biological father had passed away only a year after he was able to meet him for the first time. His mother was a drug addict, and was no longer allowed to have contact with her son. He was living with a step-father, but was having a very difficult time.

He had lived his childhood among drug addicts, had been shot at, and was never really given any parenting or guidelines as to how one should behave. He had been to our house numerous times, and was a very polite young man when it came to me and was always offering to help around the house. I could see that all he really wanted was a family to love him. He had been in and out of the juvenile system for most of his life, and it wasn’t long before I found out he was back in juvenile detention.

My son came home from school one day and told me that this boy’s step-father no longer wanted him and without a family to go home to, he was not going to be released from detention. My son asked if we could provide a home for him, and after discussing it with my family, we decided to take him in. I contacted his probation officer and the juvenile system, had his step-father sign over parental rights to me, and he moved in to our home. Before he arrived, I met him at the detention center and talked about the differences living in my home would bring. He would have rules to follow, and his previous behavior would not be accepted. He came to live with us, and things went well for a while, but as a 16 year old boy, trying to break him from the life of trouble he was accustomed to, proved to be too difficult, and within 4 months he again found himself in detention. No matter how much I tried to make a change for this young boy, it just didn’t make a difference. It was then that I realized that how a child is brought up really does mold who they are, and trying to change this mold, even during the teenage years, can prove to be very difficult. While I wanted to help this boy, I didn’t think it was fair to my family.

Two years later, my oldest son again had a friend who came from a split family and had parents that were abusive no matter how well this young man was and how well he accomplished things. This young man was a straight ‘A’ student, a state-champion with speech and debate, yet was looking at living on the streets because he just couldn’t stand to go through the abuse at home anymore. I was adamant that he would not be on the street, and told him he had a home with us. We have fought issues with his mother, and she has threatened to report him as a runaway and have me brought up on charges for harboring him, but as far as I am concerned, it is worth the risk. He is a wonderful young man, and in the 6 months he has been living with us, he has become a part of this family. He considers me to be his mother, and all of my children to be his brothers and sisters. The beauty of it is they feel the same way. While they will get in their little ‘tiffs’ as all siblings do, it is just that. Though there is not a drop of blood shared, he is just as much a son to me as my other children.

I have had many people ask me how I could think to take in more children, and ones with possible issues at that. My answer is they are all just looking for the love, respect, support and guidance that we all seem to think is natural. Unfortunately, a family with parents that become involved in their children’s lives is not as common as it once was. But, even if it means I end up with a dozen kids, I will still be the mom that is here to take care of and support my children, as well as any other children that need my love and support. I only wish that there wasn’t a need for parents like me. I wish that all parents would take the time to know and love their children, and their children’s friends.

Baby Formula Dispensers

In today’s world, where science has made such advancements, bottle sterilizers for easy and perfect sterile bottles and pacifiers; pacifier thermometer to see if the baby has a fever in the middle of the night without getting him undressed and undiapered, mamroo swings, an effective bouncy chair that makes the baby sleep, baby formula dispensers and several others have made lives for new mums much easier.

Baby formula dispensers are easy to use, accurate in measurement, and safe infant feeding device designed to hold an entire container of formula, it dispenses a consistently sized serving by 1 simple click. The 8.8 gm scoop size works with different formula brands, and each serving creates 2 ounces of prepared formula. In addition to this, theses dispensers are designed in a way to prevent the transfer of germs by reducing potential exposure to pathogens, it is created by food grade-BPA free material, and provides the new moms a sense of confidence that the baby is being given a perfect dosage, which is very important to all mothers. Light and easy to carry, all a mother need is some sterile water in the bottle and the baby formula dispenser to make that perfectly healthy milk for the little one.

Babies always require milk in every 2.5 hours in the very initial months, that too, with proper dosages prescribed by the pediatrician, now when we use a spoon to make the milk, it has been clinically proven that, weight of every scoop varies, making a huge difference in the growth of the baby, as every gram counts in case of infants.

Store, carry, dispense the baby formula, and with each twist one scoop dispenses, thus no wastage, just the perfect amount.Almost, all dispensers have a cap to seal the nozzle, before and after use, and the safety is also not to be pondered upon, as it is 100% safe, and is just like a jig saw puzzle with 3 units stacked and connected on one top of the other, one at the bottom, stores the formula powder, is air tight, so that it remains dry and germ free, second unit or the mid-section has the rotatory device with a switch protruding out which helps in dispensing exactly 1 scoop at a time, and last at the top is a bottle like structure for easy dispensing, so that transferring the contents into the feeding bottle is easy and tidy at all times.

I’m A Natural Parent, But. . .

Welcome to the “I’m a Natural Parent – BUT…” Carnival

This post was written for inclusion in the carnival hosted by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. During this carnival our participants have focused on the many different forms and shapes Natural Parenting can take in our community.

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. . . I don’t eat my placenta. My daughter’s is buried beneath the apple tree in our backyard in Montana and my son’s is under a water oak in our Texas backyard.

. . . I don’t want to see or touch my baby’s head as it is born, nor do I want to catch my baby.

. . . my daughter and I weaned each other when she was 13-months-old. No extended nursing for her. And fortunately, no tandem nursing for me because I think I would hate it.

. . . I will not be homeschooling. Although I’d kick ass at it, except for the part about being with my kids all day. Besides, it’s one of the few parenting issues my husband has a strong opinion on. (His concerns are valid, so don’t send hate mail.)

. . . my daughter watches cartoons every morning. Some might call that using the television as a babysitter. I call it a better choice than alcohol to preserve mama’s sanity.

. . . speaking of television, I watch The Bachelor. And in the summers, Big Brother. Occasionally, The Amazing Race, too. And college football. (Yes, I am a competitive person, and I can’t wait to sign up my daughter for Toddlers & Tiaras.)

. . . we used to eat at Chick-fil-A. Then I read an article about just how socially conservative (i.e. homophobic) the company is. Thank goodness I found Raising Cane’s. Please, oh please, don’t tell me they’re prejudiced, too.

. . . I buy paper towels when my mom is coming to town. She does most of the cooking, so if she needs paper products as part of her culinary work, then so be it.

. . . I use disposable feminine hygiene products, although I’d like to experiment with one of those little cup thingies. (No rush on getting back to me, though, Aunt Flo.)

. . . I’ve never looked down on anyone for not using cloth diapers. I love them, but whether you use them or not is a non-issue to me.

. . . the same with a mother not staying home with her kids. It’s a non-issue. Although I am supremely jealous of any mom who gets time alone in her car or the bathroom each day.

. . . even with the most supportive doctor, nurse, and doula, if I’d had my first child in the hospital I probably would have had an epidural.

. . . I don’t care where you have your baby. I just care that you make informed decisions and are respected by caregivers.

. . . I’m not perfect, and life’s too short to play by all the rules anyway.

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This carnival was created by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. We recognize that “natural parenting” means different things to different families, and we are dedicated to providing a safe place for all families, regardless of where they are in their parenting journeys.

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

The hill I’m willing to die on

I’m so proud that probably the most important, yet emotionally charged, blog post I’ve written has traveled farther around the internet than I would have ever expected. If just one mother decides to keep the boy she’s pregnant with whole, or one dad says, “I’m cut and my two sons are cut, but my next son will remain intact,” then I will have been successful. Regardless of the number of interpersonal relationships I’ve strained or the number of people I’ve outright pissed off, a seed has been planted.

The topic of routine infant circumcision is not one that can be neatly summed up in one post, though, so I’m highlighting links and comments left on my last post to provide additional food for thought.

Instead of outlawing the practice all together for being antiquated, unnecessary, and detrimental, the ”medical reasons” for circumcision change from century to century to fit with the issues of the time. Whereas today it is sold as a way to reduce the risk of UTIs, penile cancer, STDs, and HIV (efforts are being made to circumcise in African countries for this very reason), here are the medical reasons for circumcision in the late 19th and early 20th centuries in doctors’ own words:

“A remedy [for masturbation] which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision…The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anaesthetic, as the pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the idea of punishment…” [John Harvey Kellogg. Plain Facts for Old and Young. Burlington, Iowa: F. Segner & Co. 1888:295.]

“In all cases of masturbation circumcision is undoubtedly the physicians’ closest friend and ally…To obtain the best results one must cut away enough skin and mucous membrane to rather put it on the stretch when erections come later. There must be no play in the skin after the wound has thoroughly healed, but it must fit tightly over the penis, for should there be any play the patient will be found to readily resume his practice. . .” [E. J. Spratling. Masturbation in the Adult. Medical Record 1895;24:442-443.]

“Local indications for circumcision: Hygienic, phimosis, paraphimosis, redundancy (where the prepuce more than covers the glans). adhesions, papillomata, eczema (acute and chronic), oedema, chancre, chancroid, cicatrices, inflammatory thickening, elephantiasis, naevus, epithelioma, gangrene, tuberculosis, preputial calculi, hip-joint disease, hernia. Systemic indications: Onanism, seminal emissions, enuresis, dysuria, retention, general nervousness, impotence, convulsions, hystero-epilepsy.” [George F. Shrady. Circumscisus. Medical Record 1896;49:430]

“Circumcision offers a diminished tendency to masturbation, nocturnal pollutions, convulsions and other nervous results of local irritation. It is the moral duty of every physician to encourage circumcision in the young…” [Abraham L. Wolbarst. Universal Circumcision. Journal of the American Medical Association 1914;62:92-97.]

“…[W]e do feel that there are many excellent reasons for routinely circumcising the male… Longevity, immunity to nearly all physical and mental illness, increased physical vigor, etc., are all attributed to this practice… In addition to the aforementioned reasons for doing the operation, we shall list several reasons to support immediate circumcision. … Convenience: Under the present regime the obstetrician finishes his episiotomy, walks across the hall and circumcises the infant, and is finished with the whole business.” [Richard L. Miller. Donald C. Snyder. Immediate Circumcision of the Newborn Male. American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology 1953;65:1-11.]

 

Today, however, non-American medical associations (here is the AAP’s policy) such as the Royal Dutch Medical Association have a firm stance against routine infant circumcision:

“The official viewpoint of KNMG and other related medical/scientific organisations is that non-therapeutic circumcision of male minors is a violation of children’s rights to autonomy and physical integrity. Contrary to popular belief, circumcision can cause complications – bleeding, infection, urethral stricture and panic attacks are particularly common. KNMG is therefore urging a strong policy of deterrence. KNMG is calling upon doctors to actively and insistently inform parents who are considering the procedure of the absence of medical benefits and the danger of complications.”

Despite the beliefs held in other nations and the easy access to information in the internet age, Americans, albeit in decreasing numbers, are still circumcising. Here a reader named Roger gives a few reasons why:

Dad fears that son will be mocked and taunted in the sports locker room and in summer camp. Nobody mentions that this never happens after a boy finishes high school. Never mind that most parents believe that a young woman should be proud of the body that God gave her, and should have nothing to do with young men who do not accept her as she is. Never mind that an intact boy can simply be told that he is healthy and normal, and that almost every male is born looking as he does.”

Yes. Should I plan on breast implants for my daughter in case she’s an A cup like her mama, so boys will like her?

“Parents believe that if routine circumcision were harmful, doctors would not offer to do it.”

As I sit here today while an acquaintance delivers her baby via scheduled c-section because she is “too short to dilate,” I am reminded that physicians are often placed on a pedestal of omniscience from which they are thought to be able to do no wrong.

“Many families circumcise their sons because Dad insists on it, despite Mom having serious reservations about the practice. Mom decides that this is not a hill she is willing to die on.”

I’ve read dozens of comments online from women who leave the decision up to their husbands simply because they have a penis, or who are against circumcision but defer to their husbands’ wishes to have a son who “looks like him.” (Fortunately, there are many other men who are bold enough to not do to their sons what was done to them.)

Here’s where I tell you what I have not told my husband.

If he had an extramarital affair then perhaps (and that’s a very small perhaps) we could work it out. But if he was adamant about having either of our children circumcised I would be on the next flight to Mexico. . .with my babies.

It is a hill I’m willing to die on.

Culture is the culprit

My husband cut off his thumb when I was pregnant with our daughter. After she was born I considered surgically amputating her thumb as well. So she could look like him. So she could avoid those pesky hangnails and the feeling of smashing her thumb with a hammer. Besides, the doctors would leave just a bit of it, a little stump, so it would still have some function.

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It took me awhile to figure out what it was about the Michael Vick dogfighting case that didn’t sit quite right with me. While I think dogfighting is atrocious and Vick should have been punished for participating in it, the issue was not that black and white to me. While being vilified by the majority of Americans, Vick had also been victimized by the culture in which he was raised–a culture in which dogfighting was socially acceptable. “We never knew there was nothing wrong with it,” his brother is quoted here as saying.

We are all products of our culture.

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We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending because the importance of the information outweighs people’s right to not be challenged in their beliefs. -Maddy Reid

When I was pregnant with my daughter my midwife asked if I would circumcise if I had a boy. My first two thoughts were: “Isn’t that just what you do?” and “It seems like such a bizarre thing to do.”

After that appointment I went online to look for information and within minutes was watching a video of the procedure. . . with sound. My husband found me crying a short time later, and I told him I would never do that to any son of mine.

When my midwife asked me again at my next appointment if I’d decided whether or not to circumcise I said, “no way.” As it’s been said about circumcision, the more you know, the more you’re against it. In truth, I’d sooner gnaw off my own arm than subject my non-consenting child to such a barbaric act. (I’m fairly certain that’s not an exaggeration.)

Months passed before I revisited the issue, though. (Some issues are so disturbing they must be left alone in a dark corner for a while.) When I did I discovered that:

  • The foreskin is not a useless flap of skin. It provides an immunological and physical barrier against disease and supports the growth of beneficial bacteria. It also contains thousands of nerve endings and offers a gliding action that enhances sexual pleasure.
  • Circumcision became popular in the U.S. as a means to prevent masturbation. Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, of breakfast cereal fame, recommended it as a preventative measure and as punishment for those caught masturbating, for whom the procedure would preferably be performed without anesthesia. (He recommended carbolic acid for girls’ genitals.)
  • Circumcision is painful. The foreskin must be ripped and cut away from the glans, to which, in infancy, it is adhered like a fingernail to a finger. Anesthesia is not always used and even when it is, it’s inadequate.
  • Circumcision does not prevent UTIs or HIV or any other STD. (European countries have far lower rates of both circumcision and HIV than the U.S.) Antibiotics can easily treat UTIs, and condoms and abstinence prevent STDs.
  • Circumcision can disrupt a previously established breastfeeding relationship.
  • Circumcision can lead to complications including infection, excessive blood loss, excessive skin removal, loss of glans (head of penis) and other deformities, sexual dysfunction in later life, and death.
  • Over time the exposed glans becomes keratinized and loses sensitivity, as it is forced to become an external organ that must weather constant chafing from clothes.
  • The U.S. and Israel are the only two countries in the world where the majority of male infants are circumcised. (In Muslim countries circumcision occurs anytime during childhood.)
  • Females are protected by U.S. law from routine infant circumcision.
  • The female genital mutilation we abhor in other countries is ethically no different from male genital mutilation (aka circumcision) in the U.S.
  • No major medical association in the world recommends circumcision.

The more I learned, yes, the more I was against it. The more pissed off I was, to be precise. Pissed off that the wool could be pulled over the eyes of so many well-meaning parents–my friends, my family members. Pissed off that the natural penis is billed as unclean, unhealthy and ugly, and the foreskin as useless. Pissed off that our culture has decided that baby girls have the right to genital integrity, but baby boys do not. Pissed off that men and their partners are missing out on the full sexual experience as nature intended it. Pissed off that anyone other than the owner of the penis would be granted the right to make irreversible decisions about it for strictly cosmetic and cultural reasons.

We are all products of our culture. And sometimes culture needs to be called out on being a horrifically shitty mess.

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I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better. -Maya Angelou

To learn more about the functions of the foreskin and to be inspired to change our circumcision culture visit:

Doctors Opposing Circumcision

Jews Against Circumcision

The Whole Network

Intact Network

Peaceful Parenting

Saving Our Sons

Keeping Future Sons Intact

Psychology Today series

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Of course I didn’t really consider surgically removing my daughter’s thumb. That would be ridiculous, wouldn’t it?

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